My Story

How I found my path to holistic harmony

I know firsthand how bad habits can sabotage our health and wellness. I struggled with emotional eating my whole life and my weight bounced from 110 lbs to over 190 lbs. While my bad habits were painful, watching my mom suffer from the effects of her habits was worse.

She has smoked cigarettes most of my life, until finally quitting in 2017 but by then it was too late. Her poor eating habits, lack of exercise, and the results of the smoking all began to take their toll. She was diagnosed with COPD and Emphysema but overall she wasn’t doing too shabby. No heart disease, no strokes, no high blood pressure or diabetes. She didn’t have to go on full-time oxygen until around 2021-2022. She was a strong-willed woman so we thought she’d have many more years to live, but we were wrong.

At the end of 2023, she started to experience pain in her hip and lower back. The doctor treated her with pain medication and referred her to a pain management center for additional treatment. By March of 2024, she started experiencing immense pain in her right arm. While waiting for an appointment with her primary care doctor for a referral for the arm, the pain became so intense that she became nauseated and lost her appetite. On May 2nd the pain and nausea became too much for her to manage and she decided to have me take her to the hospital. There, findings in her chest x-ray prompted an EKG without contrast where the doctors discovered a growth in one of her lungs. There wasn’t much the hospital could do so they gave her a stronger pain medication, a steroid, told her to see her doctor for a referral, and sent her home.

Over the next month, she spent the majority of her time in and out of the hospital (more in than out) where the next EKG with contrast showed the mass had metastasized to her ribs. To metastasize means to spread or grow, meaning that the mass grew and spread to her bones. She also was diagnosed with pneumonia so along with even stronger pain medications and steroids she was now receiving antibiotics. This took a toll on her small, 5’1” frame and she lost approximately 20 pounds becoming so weak that after the pneumonia cleared up she was too weak to go home safely and went to inpatient rehab.

After being discharged from rehab to go home, rest, and recuperate as much as possible she ended up contracting COVID. We don’t know if she contracted it toward the end of her stay in rehab or if it was one of the home nursing/PT team but by the beginning of June, she was back in the hospital. This time she was placed in isolation on the Oncology floor and one of the nurses said that when their family member had a similar mass it turned out to be cancer. We’d been focusing on other, more simple possibilities because we wanted to manifest the best-case scenario but we couldn’t do that anymore. She felt it was best to get a medical power of attorney and living will signed, providing that to the hospital with her Advanced Directive. That way if she were to become unconscious, knowing her wishes, I could act on her behalf.

The last 10 days she was in the hospital we discussed the possibility of a biopsy but with all her body had been through it was very risky. She briefly contemplated if she even wanted to go through surgery, chemo, and radiation but decided that the cost to her quality of life would outweigh the benefit of the chance of a couple more years. She decided she wanted to leave and spend the remainder of her days enjoying what quality of life she did have in the comfort of her own home. We talked about changes we could make to her diet, cutting out all the processed foods that feed cancer cells. We discussed various herbal remedies that could improve her immune system and gut microbe which could enhance the environment and slow the progression of the disease. She was looking forward to making these changes to help improve the quality of the days she had left.

Hospice of the Valley helped us out so much, I really couldn’t have done it without them. They got all her records and medications transferred over to their team. They sent all the equipment and supplies I would need to take care of her at home. I moved into her house and they even taught me how to provide the care my mom needed every day. They were available around the clock, just a phone call away, for everything we needed. Well, almost everything, except her last rights. While mom had been born and raised Roman Catholic she covered to Paganism many years ago. They offered to have a priest, pastor, minister or even a rabbi come out to discuss the end with us but I told them we had it covered. When they kindly offered again, I said unless they had a Wiccan Priestess on call that we would look out for our own spiritual needs. They of course were a little surprised but completely understood.

I spent the next week cooking, cleaning, administering medications, and providing my mom with all the loving care I could. The last day or two I struggled. As an only child with no close family and mom not wanting her friends to see her in that state, I was emotionally on my own. Our hospice social worker was so wonderful but she had other clients to attend to and couldn’t always be there when I needed her. My boyfriend at the time was also amazing but lived out of town so while we did talk on the phone it wasn’t the same as having someone physically there with me.

Those last 24 hours I knew the time was approaching so I mostly sat by her bedside, holding her hand and talking to her. I even slept on the floor that night, just in case. I didn’t want her to be alone when the time came. As her breaths drew longer apart and more shallow I laid beside her in that hospital bed, holding her and caressing her hair. I recited several of our Pagan prayers and even said the Hail Mary and Our Father. I knew on a deeper level that those old, familiar prayers would bring their own comfort to her. During the last hour, I held her and softly cried as she was taking her last breaths. I told her that I would hold her with all my love until her last breath as she held me during my first. My mother laid in my loving embrace as she transitioned from her earthly body on Summer Solstice.

Watching what my mother went through over the last couple of months of her life helped me realize my calling. We found out about her cancer too late to make any changes for her but there are so many other people in this world that want to live healthier, happier, longer lives. They want all aspects of their life: physical, mental, and spiritual to be in harmony and to live in balance with the natural world. I’ve learned so much from all the amazing doctors, nurses, herbalists, and other holistic practitioners I found during my research. I feel called to share that knowledge with everyone who wants to find their own path to holistic harmony.

How I found my path to holistic harmony

Christina

I’m an eclectic pagan with a desire to serve. After my mother passed away from Cancer I found my calling helping others learn about holistic wellness and living in balance with the natural world.